C’mon readers, who in their right mind would ever have imagined that we’ve gotten to a point these days where the “F-word,” once a pejorative, now it seems a verbal badge of honor, would flow from one’s mouth (and even from “leaders”) as easily as, say, “good morning, Mrs. Jackson?”
Where once use of the F-word was confined to locker rooms or mouthed while driving and being cut off by some horn banging nitwit, well not anymore. Bullying, incivility, cruelty, or whatever, crudeness seems to be the hallmark of contemporary times and it’s eating away at what we are – or say that we are – as Americans. Adding the complicity of silence to all this is equally worrisome.
The bullying issue alone makes me bristle with the memory of the late Tim Field who, after years of being tormented by bullies, had a nervous breakdown and died in the United Kingdom. But fortunately, before his passing in 2006 Field was able to publish his groundbreaking, “Bully in Sight,” a seminal book written based on his years of experience as a target of bullying.
So, in preparation for the piece you’re now reading, I dug though my book collection and retrieved an autographed copy of Field’s book purchased a year before died. Paragraphs highlighted yellow and my handwritten notes are prominent throughout the book. Scribbled on the top of page before the book’s introduction were these memorable words: “Terry, thanks for joining the struggle.”
Back to Field shortly. But first, let’s begin with a fundamental question…what is a bully?
Summarily, bullies are largely unpopular, petty, jealous people who are threatened by the popularity, talent, knowledge, success, accomplishments – and even the physical attributes – of their targets. As a result, more times than not they act on those insecurities to eliminate the threat. Although both men and women can be bullies, research indicates that women bully other women more harshly than they bully men.
Job and financial insecurities are often causative factors behind bullying behaviors. Bullies thrive under such circumstances and will even birth and reward “baby bullies” to safeguard their turfs and fiefdoms.
Experts on the topic generally agree that bullying occurs in several forms (categories): Psychological (emotional), Verbal (yelling, screaming), Physical (shoving, hovering, glowering) and Cyber (social media). Further, most bullying is subtle and includes ignoring the contributions of targets, biting sarcasm, taking undeserved credit, downplaying accomplishments, and undermining and spreading false rumors designed to eliminate the threat.
To get their way, bullies rely on threats and intimidation and target those they see as most vulnerable. In schools, in government, in law enforcement, in the media, in the field of entertainment, in penal systems, in places of worship, in corporations – and even in families- bullies are everywhere! In some way everyone has experienced bullying in their life.
Another form, “Vicarious bullying” is a strategy employed by the bully who gets his sycophants and minions to do his or her dirty work while he or she remains “above it all.” Skilled bullying practitioners have mastered the art of kissing up to higher ups and kicking down to those below when leaders aren’t around.
Like victims of vampires, victims of bullying are often devoid of energy, creativity and productivity and keep their guards up to minimize future attacks. Over time the cumulative effects of bullying can lead to serious medical issues.
Okay, where was I? Oh, yes, back to Tim Field.
Tim Field was born in 1952, in the United Kingdom. He graduated with a degree in computing science, after which he spent nearly 20 years at the forefront of computing in programming and systems support and development. He specialized in designing and delivering training programs for users with little or no knowledge of computing and became a regular speaker at user group conferences around the world, including UK, Switzerland, Sweden, Australia and the United States. During this time, his life was irrevocably changed when he personally experienced workplace bullying.
After recovering from a stress breakdown, Tim became passionate about identifying, understanding and dealing with bullying and became a highly recognized authority on the topic. His book, “Bully in Sight,” was published in 1996. Tens of thousands of copies have been sold in 30 countries. He kept up an exhausting lecture and conference schedule throughout the world, speaking about bullying to groups including educationalists, police, medics and prison officers.
Throughout his book, Tim describes the “serial bully” – some define as the “low flying” bully – as one of the most lethal who often lurk for long periods of time sucking the life and productivity out of the organization. If one hears of a dysfunctional organization plagued with chaos, distrust, fear, low productivity and high turnover, chances are that a serial bully is pulling the levers.
Writes Field, the serial bully uses criticism and threats against the target he/she seeks to control, subjugate and eliminate. They neutralize their target (“death by a thousand cuts”) by destroying the target’s credibility and reputation. Once the target has gone, the serial bully’s focus turns to someone else he/she sees as a threat, and the cycle starts again.
Now since we’re approaching two decades since his book was published and Field’s death a fair question is what are some contemporary manifestations of bullying? Well, I’m glad you asked (or perhaps you wanted to ask). The facts are these and they’re indisputable:
1. Spikes in “highway bullying” (cutting someone off, pounding on the horn, etc.)
2. Kids bullied in school based on their race, sexual orientation or disability.
3. Teachers and coaches bullied by meddling parents who swear that their “Little Johnny” will be the next nuclear physicist, Lionel Messi or Michael Jordan if given preferential treatment.
4. Workers thought to be “illegal immigrants” bullied into hiding in fear of deportation.
5. Elite universities bullied into compliance under the threat of withholding federal funding if they refuse to backtrack on their diversity and inclusion programs.
6. Less powerful nations bullied by tariff threats.
7. Politicians non-committed to supporting controversial bills are bullied into compliance by the threat of being “primaried” during his/her next election.
Arguably the most appalling manifestation of the power of bullying are those politicians (no need to name them here) who speak the party line to curry favor and remain clear of the bully’s crosshairs. Particularly outrageous are the spineless ones (again, no need to name them here) who without an ounce of consciousness will backslide away from previous negative comments they publicly uttered about the bully.
Now given the dearth of solutions for dealing with bullies in this limited space, I point the reader to two excellent books, “Emotional Vampires, dealing with people who drain you dry,” by A. J. Bernstein, Ph.D., and “Take the Bully by the Horns,” by Sam Horn. These books provide practical strategies for dealing with your local bully who’s wreaking havoc in your life. These books are especially useful for dealing with the categories of bullies defined above.
In closing, I’ll leave you with a modified version of Field’s message to me of two decades ago; to you as an ally, influencer, change agent or otherwise someone who deeply cares:
“Thanks in advance for joining the journey!”
Terry Howard is an award-winning writer, a contributing writer with the Chattanooga News Chronicle, The American Diversity Report, The Douglas County Sentinel, Blackmarket.com, Augusta County Historical Society Bulletin, recipient of the Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Leadership Award, and third place winner of the Georgia Press Award.
