The letter showed up in my mailbox without a name or return address. The message, meticulously typed in all caps chastised me for, in its words, shoving gay stuff down our throats by my sitting behind that “gay table.” The writer included a cutout verse from Leviticus to support his/her point and – well, I knew it was coming- and posed the question…Miss. Howard, are you secretly gay?
Amused by his question, I put the letter back into its envelope, slid it into my file for future reference and while doing so, thought about what the late general Colin Powell said in an interview years ago:
“I’m troubled by what members of the party say, such things as, ‘Well, you know that Obama is a Muslim,’ ” Powell said on NBC’s Meet the Press in 2008. “Well, the correct answer is, he is not a Muslim; he’s a Christian. He’s always been a Christian. But the right answer is, ‘What if he is?’ Is there something wrong with being a Muslim in this country? The answer’s no.”
Inarguably, some things make you reflect, think about the past and others make you contemplate the present and the future. Thus, it was all three – the past, present and future relative to a contemporary issue – that’s got me thinking about how far we have come in the progress and the inclusion of LGBTQ members in our communities. That issue? Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth’s recent decision to rename the US Navy Ship Harvey, removing the commemoration of gay rights activist Harvey Milk.
Milk, a former service member, served as a political official in California and championed rights for the local LGBTQ community before he was assassinated. The irony of that decision is that it’s in stark contrast to national efforts to recognize and celebrate June, “Gay Pride Month.” So with the stroke of a pen, just like that we’ve retreated from celebrating to renaming to marginalizing a part of our community.
Now let me get to the “gay table” event that apparently was behind letter writer’s heartburn and angst.
15 years ago I consulted with an organization in putting together their annual cultural celebration event to recognize the rich diversity of their employees. With event planners, we worked on a U shape floor plan to include booths representing Asian, Hispanic, Jewish, African American, Women, Disabled, Christian, Muslim and LGBTQ employee affinity groups. When we met a few days afterwards to finalize the floor plan for the booths, I noticed that unintentionally or not the LGBTQ booth was crammed into a smaller space and plotted at the end of the layout and nearest the exit which meant that it would be the last booth event participants would visit.
With little resistance from event planners, I convinced them to mainstream the LGBTQ booth near the center, a particular suggestion that seemed to annoy one member, “Roger.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way Terry, but I don’t think you should suggest that wedo that. Many of us find it offensive to include gays when we talk about diversity in the workplace in the first place, and your suggestion that we put a gay booth so close to the Christian booth will cause unnecessary conflict.”
Even when I pointed out that gay people should not be excluded, “Roger” remained unconvinced but was overruled by the rest of the team. He resigned from the team.
On the opening day, hundreds of employees plowed through the event enjoying the music and food while stopping by booths to pick up literature and chat with folks behind booth tables. Several of the organization’s directors and vice presidents mingled about and chatted with event participants.
Now as I roamed the room it didn’t take long to witness some employees going out of their way to avoid altogether or immediately step back from the LGBTQ booth once they learned what it was. With few visitors to their booth relative to others, I sensed isolation felt by occupants. That’s when I made the decision to take a seat inside the booth, slip on one of their T-shirts and pass out literature, a decision that was met with surprise – and no surprise – from those who’d known me for years. Driven by curiosity, I suspect, the traffic to our booth gradually picked up.
The days after the event saw a strange change in my relationship with some folks I knew, thought I knew and some I didn’t know. With some it was a pattern of stand-off behaviors and direct eye contact avoidance. Others I did not know, like the letter writer cited above, sent anonymous notes with Bible verses they asserted were against homosexuality. One asked me point blank if I was gay.
Now as I said, that was 15 years ago. But since then, poll after poll confirms that opinions about gay rights have become more positive. But risking that progress are large scale efforts to deny, marginalize or completely wipe out the histories of diverse people, including the history of gay people in America.
Now of course, despite the progress we’ve made, we’re – some of us, at least – remain in our cocoons of conspiratorial silence. Rather than sit face to face and express their opinions some will cowardly write anonymous letters or post hateful comments in social media.
Oh yes, before I move on, let me say something that needs to be said here. I spent quality time in Jewish synagogues and did not leave having become suddenly Jewish. Is there something wrong with being a Jew in this country? The answer’s no.
I’ve visited Mosques that were boarded up with plywood having been vandalized by bricks and stray bullets and did not leave having become a Muslim. General Powel answered that with an empathic “no.”
I’ve visited Temples in Malaysia and India and did not leave having become a Hindu or Buddhist. Is there something wrong with being a Hindu or Buddhist in this country? The answer’s no.
And by the same token, 15 years ago I, a proud heterosexual male, sat behind a table with my LGBTQ friends and did not leave having become gay. So, by the same token is there something wrong with being gay or a supporter of the rights of gay people in this country? The answer is no.
In the end, if you’re genuinely interested in a “table” to sit behind as an ally, you have a lot to choose from; just watch the evening news – particularly the peaceful protests sweeping our nation from coast to coast and you’ll see scores of tables that would welcome your presence.
And guess what my fellow Americans? You won’t leave having become “one of them!”
Terry Howard is an award-winning writer, a contributing writer with the Chattanooga News Chronicle, The American Diversity Report, The Douglas County Sentinel, TheBlackmarket.com, recipient of the Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Leadership Award, and third place winner of the Georgia Press Award.
