Going back to my childhood I remember the challenges of accepting whoever it was I or others considered me to be. One key memory I have is the distinction made between my mom’s and dad’s side of the family. My parents divorced when I was very young. I was raised by my mother. And the common saying was “You ain’t one of us – you one of them.“
I HAD NO IDEA WHAT THAT EVEN MEANT!
But I knew it didn’t feel good. It didn’t feel good to be excluded from the group, regardless of how much the group lacked. ‘One of them‘ seemed bad, negative. It felt UNACCEPTING. And what child do you know doesn’t want to be accepted? Especially by their own family.
And so it began. My ever continuing strive to be Less of what I thought others rejected and More of what I perceived was accepted.
Oh you don’t like that? Sure I’ll be less of a ‘McBride’, my father’s family name.
I’ll be less emotional.
I suppose I can be tougher.
I won’t let on when I’m hurt or disappointed.
I’ll suck it up and not be so emotional.
Oh, you like my smile? I can do more of that…
Smile like everything’s OK, even though its not.
You’d like me to speak a certain way? Yeah okay, I can do that.
On and on it went until I realized I was this conglomerate of perceptions and misperceptions. But for the life of me, I did not know my authentic self. Even today I find myself struggling with this. But regardless of who others think I am and who I try to be, I now understand I am most importantly, a CHILD OF GOD.His daughter, His beloved, His princess...
And I allow that to sink in. Let it resonate in my mind, my heart, my soul!Oh, You want me to be more like that, Lord?
Yeah, I can do that 🙂